Alice

Most of the time. I am subjected. To be using everyone I claim to love. Who am I? Who are you, to ask me that? I am not complacent. I believe I am easy to forget. Yes I smile back at everyone. I am for you to call a slut who takes my "harrowing, tangled mind" as a pretext to get more fucks. I am not sorry you are ugly and obnoxious. I am not sorry I am alive and he/she won't have you.

I'm reading The Odyssey By Homer now. I refused to draw anything today. I have no classes tomorrow. What now?

BKK TRIP CONFIRMED:
18/12/2009 - 22/12/2009

I'm dying I'm dying I'm dying to tell someone how I have forsaken everyone.

My thoughtless heart has brushed away
From your romantic scent
My mess is gone, and with it I went.

This proves our conflicting wavelengths when I say "Cam whore and exchange photos, then it's like we're actually together". Haha. Oh Joy.

I am in a sweater and boxers. I feel wind. And I'm breathing in everything Winston. The only lights are in orange. (Besides the lambent of my cigarette.) I see the consignment of bread to the grocery store. A cab driver coming home now. Kitchen lights winking to start. If the world belongs to the Young, no one is young enough. My legs grow weak and I fall.

1. Your Saosin shirt
2. Our shrewd conversations (I-cannot-handle)
3. Our imaginary party

What does it all mean?

01. When your delusional parents love you anyway
02. Your Grandfather still kisses your tattoo filled arm
03. Your cigarette gets wet
05. You are fifteen and not a virgin
06. You are fifteen and still a virgin
08. You are thinking of someone else
09. You hit someone allegedly out of (angry)love? But really, it's only control going out of control.
14. You are forty and soiling your sheets
17. You find yourself left with the oldest skin and freshest cigarettes. 90. On our deathbeds we will wake. And want our lungs.

  


 I have not given up on myself. In this arbitrary life, I'm tired and selective. I love everyone except you. I let anyone hold my hand because it looks weird and feels great. You are angry and you love me. I hate you and I want you back. I want myself to be your only thought, and I want you to fuck off

 Everyday I am falling. Every other day you catch me. Every in between I realise how only the Sad gets enough empathy.

 For the first time I feel good, in this war of a mess I wage

 
 
 

 To end the night with 4 different hearts. I have them. And I feel ok. 

 A certain part of my mind agrees that pedophilia can be magical.

 

 Hopelessly, I was waiting for you. The black wind flying, through my hair, fighting my face. I opened my eyes to let them dry, and there you were. Short matted coiffure. Scraggly thin. You looked like a man, except you're not quite one. God I hate girls like you. I mean, Christ! I! am a man. And you are gorgeous. Stop trying to be my kind. But you looked at me.. And then that's all I see. Your eyes became everything; I didn't have a right to hate you.

 I was lost, trying to find my mind and drawing back my heart from reaching you. All in the same moment I died a little, because I think you forgot me quicker than your glance. And how sorry I am about myself being such a vestige. Then your voice came surging and built my soul. I blinked. Thrice. This is happening. This is real.  You asked for a lighter. My unsettled hands hankered for one while you.. smiled. That's a smile. You turned away to take a drag, looking terribly picturesque. Time only meant the most when I knew,
Oh how I could watch you forever, so hopelessly

 A completely idiotic clandestine affair


Who possesses The Chaos. So imperative. For Ardour.

 
Melissa must be one of the.. hottest friends I have. 
 
And she has the cutest boyfriend in the world. Cutest I tell you. (& WHY is it so depressing my thumbs up are not as odd ): )

 
Happy Belated Birthday Sweetheart

(Pictures aren't mine. They're from very tall, gorgeous and dangerous friends.. 's Facebooks.)

 Goodbye taedium vitae. I get to say "Good morning" from tomorrow. And to the glorious faces and talents of classmates I do not recognise yet. Please let Tai Pang speak English to me. Goodnight, Wanru

 
 My quintessential friends, I missed us.

-
 When you read, archives.. When I read, I traverse through time. I am then. Age is nothing. You are then. You love me. 

-
 Age is everything. I am 5. I am swimming in the shower. I am 6, I am selling ice cubes from my kitchen. I am 9, I sing through a megaphone. I am 14, I lose imagination.

-
 I am 18, I become ugly.

-
 You start to die when you decide to just live for yourself. 

---
 Today the soundless ride back was a window. Framing endless trees. Edifices. Their cranes... Reflections. Sun. A wedding car. Asphalt. Asphalt. Asphalt. Then market and my undying love for salted eggs.

 And they tell me I have mistaken the blue skies for someone else. But I am learning a whole new world because I need a boyfriend, don't waste me.

 
 
I'm damn gay but I miss you. Yes I change into plaid shirts and plaid boxers to sleep every other night. I'm not going to shower again because I smell fucking super. I think my conceit becomes some sort of pathos - How charmless.. 

 
You have been a fucking pain in the ass.

 I spent the last 2 hours watching A Cinderella Story(Wtf) on my Ipod. I envisaged watching my Gran and Mum do Taiji but wow surprisingly everyone there was like superannuated. And they were so slow I just couldn't keep up. And en passant, someone needs to ask me out I have the perfect outfit for a trip to the market!